Author Archive

Recovery

Tuesday, April 17th, 2007

Yesterday morning I walked into work and straight into the office of one of my co-workers. She’s a thirty-something mom of two, works full time, one of the most genuine people I know and she looks stunning every day. I looked at her, with bags under my eyes and told her I didn’t understand how she could look so beautiful every day and not drink. She laughed and I told her the next time I hit my snooze button I would think of her.

Those two boys wiped us out!

Shelton and I picked up the two boys Saturday morning at 9am and I did not stop moving until their parents came home at 7pm on Sunday. I really had no idea that two days with two children (and three dogs) would be as much work as it was. The motion was constant- diapers, meals, playing, meals, diapers, read a story, bath time, clean up……….. for those of you with kids you know exactly what I’m talking about.

We really had a good time and the boys were so well behaved, they’re great kids. It was certainly an eye-opening experience. Granted, it’s completely different when they’re your kids and you have the past seven years to establish schedules and routines and just get used to having kids. I can tell you that when the baby woke up crying at 3am Shelton and I went on full alert. The house could have been burning down and I don’t think we would have freaked as hard. We threw the blankets back, blindly stumbled to turn on every light switch we could find and raced into the baby’s room. He had scooted out from under his blanky and couldn’t find his way back to it. I was like- that was it?!

The baby and his big brother decided to start Sunday at 6:45 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN? It was still down. As in, it was dark outside and TOO EARLY TO BE AWAKE!! The boys crawled up in bed with us and flipped on the cartoons. It took less than ten minutes for the baby decide he wanted to be up-up.

We had two very full days with a trip to the movies, the zoo, bath time, stories and hide-and-go seek. We hope that our friends thought we returned the boys in good condition. We applaud all of you with kiddos because whether you’ve got one or ten, your hands are so full!

Test Drive

Thursday, April 12th, 2007

Before you buy a car, you obviously take for a spin around the block. It seems there aren’t enough opportunities to test drive things that we’re going to be committed to for a while. Things like a new house, a haircut, or maybe a ridiculous pair of shoes. Well, Shelton and I are getting the opportunity to test drive parenthood this weekend. Some friends of ours who live a few doors down are out of town this weekend. They called to ask a few weeks ago if we would mind watching their two boys while they’re away.

Saturday morning we will pick up the seven year old and two year old and head back to their house w/ their two dogs and our dog. I’m tired just thinking about it.

They are fantastic kids and “the mom” has done an excellent job of outlining meals, bed time routines, activities, meds and which TV channels they can watch. But I still feel a little like I’m being dropped in a foreign country with nothing more than a “guide pamphlet” rather than a book and a little cash for survival. We just keep giggling how we are going to be way in over our heads. However, I’m confident that this will be easy peasy lemon squeezy.

We’re hopeful the weather will hold out this weekend so we can take walks and go to the zoo and the park. I thinking having us cooped up in the house together all weekend might be dangerous.

So wish us luck. We’ll see how this parenting thing looks on us.

If you’re in Lubbock, TX- Please Read

Monday, March 19th, 2007

It’s a long shot, but if anyone reading this is in Lubbock or knows someone in Lubbock, please take a moment to read.

My family suffered a devastating loss this weekend. My younger cousin Scotty was killed in a hit-and-run on Sunday morning. Scotty was walking on the street and a car hit him, drove off and Scotty died at the hospital shortly thereafter.

Witnesses identified a white car with four hispanic males inside. If you have any information, we urge you to call authorities. If you’re the praying kind, please keep Scotty and family in mind.

There is an unimaginable sadness coursing through the vein of our entire family. Unfortunately, I didn’t know him really at all. In the past two days I feel like I’ve learned more about him than I ever would have otherwise. This greatly saddens me. I’ve read his MySpace with notes from his many friends and several news stories and he sounds like the kind of kid that we would all want to know. He was serving in the Army National Guard and set to deploy in May.

I wish I could be in Lubbock this week to be with my family, offer hugs, prayer, dinner or whatever else needed to be done. I hope they all know how much I love them and how my thoughts are staying with him.

Again, if you have any information, please call authorities immediately. Thank you.

(News Story)

Slight Change in Plans

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

OK, so here goes. We are not going to have a baby this year. This was a decision that was not made easily, as none of this has been easy. Shelton and I shared a lot of tears, deep conversation, prayer and time to decide that this is the best decision right now.

As I’ve shared, and you can probably imagine, last year dealt me the worst I’ve ever seen. By the end of December I was beginning to sink into a bit of depression, I wasn’t sleeping and I felt this overwhelming anxiety. One evening I told Shelton that I just didn’t think it made sense right now to move forward with the IVF. I wanted to wait one or two more years.

Believe me, we want to start a family more than anything. But I made us re-examine the entire picture. I was changing jobs, Shelton is still in school (thanks to his company’s tuition reimbursement), we’re selling the house, and among many other reasons, we didn’t have the full amount needed. With the $6,000 in donations (THANK YOU!!!), $5000 in FSA and a couple thousand from our tax return, we were still going to have to borrow a couple thousand dollars. We just didn’t want to do that. We’d rather continue saving and have cash in hand.

Our only sound reason for continuing this year was our FSA. That is the non-refundable, pre-tax money we were having taken out of our paychecks. We were going to use that entire amount toward the IVF. It’s a use it or lose it plan. We figured we’d just have to buy a lot of glasses, bandaids and Aleve this year to eat that up. The very next day Shelton received a message that due to a mix-up on the FSA company’s part, they were offering an opt-out. So, we were SO FORTUNATE to get out of that and save ourselves that loss. It felt like a little sign from God telling us that we’d made the right decision.

I know we did. A huge weight has been lifted and I’m feeling like myself again. Shelton and I believe whole-heartedly that a year or two from now we’ll be able to walk into that clinic with a check and start our IVF class.

Baby Or Bust is not going anywhere!! I will continue to update you on our progress and share news and information I find. Please know that all of the donations are tucked away safely. We once again thank you for your support, encouragement and for tagging along on our little journey. It has definitely presented more surprises, ups and downs than I think we ever anticipated. I’m so grateful for having this site to use as an outlet for all of it. And I hope that you, whether an infertile couple or not, have gained something as well.

Checking In

Tuesday, March 6th, 2007

I hope you are all enjoying this GORGEOUS! spring weather as much as we are. The tulip leaves haven broken through the soil in the front yard, I’ve been cleaning everything that will sit still, and while I’m not what you might call an “experienced” golfer, I’m itching to get out on the course.

By cleaning I mean gutting. I emptied my closet on Saturday and took out everything I haven’t looked at, worn or fit into in at least a year. Let me say, two more people could move into my closet now. It’s depressingly empty. I’m donating it all the local DAV. Hopefully someone there will find some better use of it than I. Now I need to get Shelton to do the same.

The biggest clean of all is the house. We’re selling it. (Yes, the ONE house that we own). You know, I love this house. It’s a dream. It has so much character and potential. But that’s the kicker- potential. We fell in love with what this house will be after we spend every penny we have (and then some) remodeling and fixing up. So we’re getting out of here. Hopefully someone will come along and love her potential as much as we did, and have the resources to do it. We would have, but there’s that whole “baby” thing. Haha! The best thing of all- we’ll move somewhere with carpet!! There is not one single stitch of carpet in this entire house. I thought I would like it, but I hate it. It’s impossible to keep clean and we will have wooden feet before we leave with all the splinters we get. So, with that appealing explanation- any offers?

I’ve finally settled into my new job. I started early January as a temp and I’m now making the transition to stay on permanently. I’m still in marketing. It’s a fantastic company that will afford me a lot of opportunities that the agency did not. I’m considering going after my masters degree since they’ll cover my tuition. We’ll see how that goes… I’ll have to take the GRE! I haven’t taken a test in nearly 3 years!

I have more news, but I’ll include that in its own post. Happy Spring everyone!

The Small Things

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

This past weekend, Wichita received its second winter blast in two consecutive weekends. We’ve got about 6-8” of fluffy snow covering our yard. It’s beautiful. All weekend, I just kept telling Shelton I wished I could be 10 again, just long enough to truly enjoy the snow in a way only a kid can. I kept telling him we needed to find some kids to play with so we could enjoy the weather. But it would probably be kind of creepy if we stopped by the neighbor’s and asked to borrow their kids for a while.

We got even luckier, though. I’ve been involved with a mentor program with the same little girl for a year and a half now. We’ll call her Ms. J. We happened to have plans to take her to a college basketball game yesterday afternoon and on the way in noticed a huge hill with plenty of kids enjoying the sledding action. While she enjoyed the game, she kept asking when we could go sledding. Not being at all prepared, Shelton left half way through the game to go procure some sledding materials. He met back up with us with laundry baskets and cardboard boxes. Ms. J then informed us that she had NEVER been sledding in her life. I could not believe it. So for close to an hour this girl flung her self down the hill and dragged herself back up with a grin that could only be described as pure magic. She giggled the entire time and kept wanting to go faster and farther. She even braved the snow ramp that had been build and launched herself airborn.

I just kept thinking that THIS is why we want to have kids. To watch them discover sledding. The way the icy cold blasts your face as you speed down a hill, that on any ordinary day is just a hill. Your pants and coat and gloves get drenched from the snow. And no matter how cold you get, no matter how tough it is to climb back up- it’s so worth it.

This little girl on more than one occasion has reminded me how fantastically fun the most simple things can be. Riding an escalator, going through a drive-thru car wash, having cupcakes at school on your birthday. Each time she beams the most beautiful, brightest smile I’ve ever seen.

I have read ”Dooce“ everyday for probably three years. She is a writer that I truly admire, and best of all makes her living staying at home with her beautiful little girl and telling the world about her life. Last week she posted a video of her 3-year old daughter laughing because she was so blown away by her own reflection in the video camera. This little girl laughs the heartiest laugh for an entire minute and by the end Shelton and I both caught ourselves howling right along with her. And again, I said THIS is why I want to be a mom.

It’s those small, perfect, innocent moments when you see them discover some other part of this big life. I want to be transformed by those as much as all of my friends say they have been.