Author Archive

Congrats are LONG Overdue

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

I was notified a few weeks ago that some loyal BOB readers, probably since day one, have had a baby. They requested that their names be withheld to protect the innocent. So, I’m honoring that request.

Of all the people who’ve reached out to us in the past year, and been involved with IVF/infertility as well, they’re the first couple to have had a baby. They beat the odds! They won! They said HA-HA in the face of whoever it is that said they couldn’t!

They are in a similar male-factor infertility situation. She was very sweet and said “It is with a little apprehension that I write – but “HUSBAND” says – it should give you guys hope.” Indeed it does, and I was so glad to hear from her.

They welcomed a beautiful, healthy baby girl in early July. The little gal arrived about a month early- but everyone is happy, healthy and home.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! Hopefully this gives a little hope to all of you as well.

Baby Showers

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

I have had my fair share of weak moments during our infertile-ness. But for the most part, I manage to keep it together. I get a little sad and queasy when I hear about new babies and people sharing ultrasound photos and telling about the life-altering experiences they’ve shared with their spouse in the delivery room. But ultimately, I don’t come unhinged.

Except at baby showers.

Those are doozies. I don’t know about you, but they kill me. Grab hold of my heart and just wrench. This spring I’ve attended several baby showers (and hosted one) and I’ve had to walk out in the middle of each to cry myself into hysterics. Nothing looks more pathetic than sitting in the middle of a stranger’s bathroom floor with rivers of mascara flowing down your face and wads of toilet paper in your hands because “mommy-to-be” just opened the hand-stitched, monogrammed baby blanket from great grandma.

It of course has nothing to do with the guest of honor and everything to do with my curiosity if those painfully special moments will ever happen for me too? People ask me how I handle it, if I get jealous, if it sucks being at showers… Answers are Quietly/Of course/Sometimes.

What doesn’t bother me, is being around new babies. I could drink up their wonder all day long. But there is something about the atmosphere of a shower that will bring me to my knees.

I love and adore each of the women I have been to a shower for. Our closest friends have been poppin’ out babies all year long – so it gets a little easier with each one. And I’m enjoying the snuggly-wugglies from all of these beautiful little babies.

3 Months- I’m a jerk!

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

OK, I didn’t realize it had been THREE MONTHS since I last posted. I’m a jerk! This is disgusting. While there are no excuses, I will tell you that Shelton and I have achieved a level of unstoppable busyness over the last few months that I’m just going to offer that up and hope you’ll accept.

So, I just wanted to throw out my apologies, hope you’ll still like me and then I’ll begin making posts to get you up to speed……….. without a 14-page post about 101 different things.

Home Sweet Home

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

Our home, early on at Baby or Bust, was a point of contention for some. I’ve never really discussed the horrifying, utterly disgusting emails Shelton and I received during the first few months of Baby or Bust. With people having nothing better to do than spend time forwarding that unkind, filth to me, I didn’t think it warranted much attention. I had written on the “About Us” page that we had just purchased our second home. I meant the second home that we had ever owned, not that we’ve got a home in the South of France where we summer.

People were kind (make that ruthless) in pointing out that we didn’t need a home. If we got this baby, where were we supposed to take it- to a van by the river? It was a huge 90-year old house that oozed with character and charm. For anyone who has ever owned a home with this much “Character” and “Charm,” you know those terms are translated to “Repair” and “Checkbook.” It was a constant work in progress for us and one we knew we’d never be able to keep up with.

After a lot of thought and consideration, especially knowing that Wichita would not always be our home, we decided to sell her. I believe I mentioned we were planning to do so or had just begun a while back. It took only 6 weeks to find someone who would love her just as much as we did. We got a fair price considering we’d been there less than two years.

We sold the house on June 18 and moved into our new apartment the weekend before. People think we’re out of our gourds for selling a house to move into an apartment. But it’s saving us so much money. It’s saving us stress and time. It’s allowing us to “pull up anchor” and explore our options. I hate the idea of burning money in an apartment, but the pros at this point time seem to outweigh the cons.

Let me tell you- it was no small feat moving three floors into an apartment. My brother said he’d seen barns smaller than our house. (Don’t kid yourself- we paid less than a hundred grand for that place). Having grown up in little houses, I was beside myself to move into my version of a mansion. And of course the intent was to bring a little baby home to make those walls seems a little smaller. But now we’re in the apartment where the dog (Tibet) and the golf clubs seem to be duking it out for space under the dining room table. It’s not quite that bad- but we’re purging A LOT of stuff because it’s just impossible to make it all fit and still let this place resemble a home and not the A-Plus Storage.

Can I just say, that I bawled like a baby when I handed the keys over to the 9-month pregnant buyer. She was due in like three weeks and I just couldn’t help but be a pinch jealous that she was getting to do what I had intended to do with that house- bring home her first baby girl. I asked which room they were going to make the nursery. It would be the room we had used as a den. I really do hope they are all adjusting well in their new/first home.

So that’s the story on the house. I’m STILL unpacking, still unorganized. And for the OCD-Annie that I am, it’s just unacceptable and making me crazy. But we’re slowly fitting everything in.

School Boy

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

My husband is amazing- in case I haven’t mentioned it before. He has sacrificed time and time again for me since the day we started “going out.” Whether it be a TV show that I’d rather watch, foregoing restaurants that he’d rather not eat at but will because I love it, sanity, time and even his education- he constantly bends over backwards to make me happy. And this isn’t something that goes unnoticed or unappreciated. It’s who he is and I love him for it.

What the hell is she rambling about- you’re probably wondering. Shortly after Shelton and I married he decided to quit school. It was a decision I fought fiercely, because I knew the likelihood of him ever returning was slim and I knew it was something he’d regret later on. He justified by saying that I was so close to graduating and starting my career that he would quit now, work full time and let me finish. So that’s what we did.

Last year he found out that his company offers full tuition reimbursement. I told him, as a loving wife would, that basically he was an idiot if he didn’t take advantage. So he has been back in school for a year now- working to complete his bachelor’s degree in MIS. I’m so proud of him. He’s got a 4.0 GPA, loving his classes and really excited about where this is going to take him.

That’s where he is tonight- and four other nights of every week until 10pm. We don’t see much of each other these days. Pass on the way to work in the morning, inhale our dinner in an attempt to at least spend that time together and then cuddle up at bedtime. It’s a small price I’m willing to pay now to secure our future, and more importantly his happiness.

July 1

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

Just like most husbands, I have failed to wish Baby or Bust a timely HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! On July 1, BOB turned one year. It all kicked off last July with a “test” donation from my brother, Kyle, and quickly turned into more than $6,000 in donations. Unbelievable. Our goal was of course not met, but I think we never anticipated receiving that much. From perfect strangers no less.

BOB has definitely been a wild ride for Shelton and I. This was yet again one of my wild whims that he gave into. But I just knew I had to do it. Strip away the donations, I just wanted to provide a place where the average Joe, like Shelton and I, could find valid, real-life information about infertility. I knew if I were looking for it and couldn’t find it, then I certainly couldn’t be alone.

We’ve heard from hundreds and hundreds of people from right here in Wichita to Spain, Australia, Switzerland everywhere in between. I think it was less than a week that we received a donation from a woman in Madrid, Spain. It was a perfect example of how quickly the Internet unites us and makes the world oh-so small.

Shelton and I did several radio interviews, the CBS Early Show interview, made front page of the Wichita Eagle and have been featured (and kicked in the teeth) on countless Web sites. It was this press coverage that helped BOB to be as successful as it has been and we are grateful to all of the media representatives who saw in us a story worth sharing.

I’m proud of this site and I’m proud of the attention it has brought to infertility. I’ve learned that the people who need this site have found their way to it. I’ve learned that ultimately, laughing about this has been my best medicine- and I hope it’s yours too. There’s nothing we can do about it. My life is too short to waste it feeling sorry for myself and what if-ing myself into corners I can’t back out of. I’ve learned to appreciate the abundance in my life and not to take an ounce of it for granted- the support of our families, the love of our friends (and who the real ones are), the gift of two really great jobs, our perfect health, the strength of our marriage. I’ve learned the generosity of strangers- and I’m now more inclined than ever to reciprocate that generosity at every opportunity I have.

We recently renewed our domain name, so we’re going to be around for a while. This past year would not have been possible with out the encouragement and support of all of our friends and family, the thousands of visitors to our site, the overwhelming generosity of the donors and emails filled with kind words and support.

Happy Anniversary Baby or Bust- and thank you to each of you for making it possible!!