Brandi | BabyOrBust

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False Hope

Monday, March 24th, 2008

I forgot to tell you…

In January I was experiencing tremendous abdominal pain. Immediately I thought, “here we go again!”. I wasn’t at all interested in another surgery for these friggin’ cysts. I rode it out a couple of days, but the pain was different, excruciating, but different. It was tucked up under my rib cage- it hurt to sit, walk, lie down, breathe, cough, on my side, standing- it just hurt.

Finally, Shelton insisted I make an appointment with the doctor. Our family doc, Dr. H, wasn’t available that day so I saw his P.A. I had never met this P.A., but he was likable right away. I explained the agony, my med history and my personal hypothesis for the problem. He asked if I could be pregnant. I laughed. He looked amused. I explained that unless God himself planted a baby in my womb that there was no way I was with child. Again, he looked curious. I explained. He thought my pain could be a few things, but wanted to rule out pregnancy for sure. I said why not.

It’s funny because the night before I was joking with Shelton- “what if I go in tomorrow and they tell me I’m pregnant?”. He told me he’d have a paternity test. (Insert lots of laughing)

So I took the pregnancy test and a bunch of other lab work. And then I sat in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. Suddenly my brain went to this strange little world of What If. “What if I’m pregnant? Is it possible? It’s possible. People tell me all the time stranger things have happened. Maybe one snuck through? I’m pregnant! Holy crap, how cool would it be to leave here and tell Shelton that I’m actually pregnant?” These hopeful, silent little ramblings went on inside my head until the nurse (the scary one) called my name to return. He told me I wasn’t pregnant.

Really? I do not have a medical degree and I could have/did tell/told you that. But thanks for the past 15 minutes and the swarm of butterflies that have taken flight in my digestive region. I guess we saved a few hundred dollars on a paternity test.

Nothing was wrong with me- the pain went away… by the way.

Tags: IVF, ovarian cysts, pregnancy symptoms
Posted in IVF Journey, Pregnancy | Comments Off on False Hope

Mommy, where does male infertility come from?

Monday, March 17th, 2008

When a mommy and daddy love each other very much…. OK I’m kidding.

I found this article that sheds a little more light on the origins of male infertility, which is the cause for 25% of all infertility cases. Apparently it starts very early in the womb, within the first 12 weeks. During this time, the hormone levels in the womb can determine “common genital disorders, low sperm count and testicular cancer.”

This fits right in with what Shelton and I were told for his infertility. He has a natural vasectomy, basically. The Vas Defrens never developed fully into a tube, it’s just a piece of tissue. Our doctor explained that this is most commonly caused by being a carrier for cystic fibrosis.

I took a blood test, an expensive blood test that fortunately at the time was still covered by insurance, to see if I was a carrier of the gene. It was negative. So we did not spend the money to test Shelton because having only one of us as a carrier meant we would not give birth to a child with CF.

Tags: Infertility Insurance Coverage, IVF In The News, male factor infertility
Posted in IVF and Infertility News | Comments Off on Mommy, where does male infertility come from?

My big interview with Bernie from Biggest Loser!

Thursday, March 13th, 2008

Yes I know, Bernie has nothing to do with babies, pregnancy or infertility. He’s cute enough though to think he’ll have cute babies of his own, right?

But I did score an interview with him today and I’m so excited I wanted to share it with all of you.

Check it out! Biggest Loser Interview

Tags: About Brandi, reality tv
Posted in Koskie Life | Comments Off on My big interview with Bernie from Biggest Loser!

Babies Everywhere!

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

Drive up and down any country road and there are baby cows, goats, horses and the like. Sift through my inbox and you’ll see message after message about new babies. As told last month, my best friend had her first. A good couple friend of ours, whom we’ve met through Shelton’s job, had their first two weeks ago (congrats Emily and Brandon!). Add to the list our good camping buddies, Shelton’s brother with #2 and another friend due this fall- BABIES ARE EVERYWHERE!

It’s spring and so everything is fertile and pregnant and birthing. I’m not! But you know what, I’m OK with that. I’m calling this my “whatever phase.” You know, you go through the phases of grief- anger, denial, depression, acceptance. I passed acceptance a long time ago. I’m genuinely comfortable and have come to terms with our situation. It’s the hand that God dealt us and I tell you, he could have dealt far worse. FAR WORSE! So, my whatever phase. There’s not a fiber in my being that doesn’t want to be a mom, have a couple of little short people tearing through my house and watching Shelton forcibly become more comfortable with the human anatomy and all its splendor (and ickiness!). There are days when I look around at the hundreds of diapers people are buying, days without sleep they’ve been deprived, handfuls of advil they’ve taken to silence the headaches- and I think, I’m good! My whatever phase is that today, I’m cool and content and at peace with where I am and not having a baby for now; tomorrow could be another case of wanting.

You know how you can see your spouse and your heart starts racing? Or you smell a delectable meal and your mouth starts watering? I swear that when I hold a new baby my ovaries start throbbing- bom-bom, bom-bom. I think it’s the same reaction I have when I smell Shelton’s cologne. YUM! It’s that feeling, that assures me that whether it’s tomorrow or ten years from now- I do want to have babies and I want to be a mom.

So with spring blooming outside (thank you GOD for that!, the longest winter EVER!), and babies blooming in the tummy of everyone I know it seems- I just wanted to let everyone know that I am OK. I am bursting at the seams happy for every last one of them, and for the moment at least, happy with where Shelton and I are, too.

Posted in IVF Journey | Comments Off on Babies Everywhere!

Hot Mommas

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

Whenever I see a woman who has had a baby and weeks later looks like she’s never eaten a brownie, much less delivered a baby- I immediately hate her! I’ve never had a baby, but I consider it sympathy hate for all the other women who have and months/years later are still fighting to get back their pre-baby hotness.

Living a more healthy lifestyle is as common a theme these days, as is going green. It’s something that Shelton and I have really been proactive about in the Koskie house. We have introduced a no enriched/bleached/partially hydrogenated anything rule. In doing so, I’ve given up a lifelong love affair with Wheat Thins (seriously, read the box, you’ll be horrified) in exchange for Triscuits (no where near as frightening or deadly). There are no more Quaker Chocolate Chip granola bars, only the Kashi Honey Almond and Cherry Dark Chocolate granola bars (read the Quaker ingredients- I could not believe I’d been eating that). In doing this, we’ve also discovered a lot of foods that we probably never would have eaten- like whole grain pastas, ground turkey and even broadening our horizons at the fish counter. You also won’t find a drop of soda in this house- only water and 100% juice.

We’re doing this because we want to be healthy and feel good about what’s going in our bodies. Hitting the gym more frequently and just being more conscientious about being active have also increased.

What does this have to do w/ not liking the women who bounce back ten minutes after having a baby? Well… it’s a known fact that infertility can be linked with obesity and being over weight. The way I see it, we’ve got enough playing against our chances to have a baby, I’m not giving mother nature any more ammo than she deserves. So I’m taking control of this part of my health. And I figure if it’s this much a part of my lifestyle now, then once I do have a baby- maybe I’ll be more likely to shuck those pounds and be amongst the hated women who loses the baby weight quickly.

If you are one of the blessed ladies sporting a bump or recently had your baby, you need to check out these diets specific for moms: Baby Fit and The Pregnancy Diet.

I’m also a really big fan of FitDay– it’s a free online journal that you can use to track everything from calories to sit-ups. It does all the calculations for you, is accessible from anywhere with Internet and makes a really fun and easy way to monitor your progress.

Posted in Healthy Lifestyle | Comments Off on Hot Mommas

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