A study released by the CDC suggests that babies conceived via methods ”such as in vitro fertilization and the use of donor eggs—are two to four times more likely to be born with certain types of birth defects than infants conceived naturally.” What do they mean by “certain” birth defects? Their list includes septal heart defects, or a hole in the heart, cleft lip, cleft palate, and gastrointestinal defects.

“It is important for parents to realize that the individual risk for these birth defects remain low,” Reefhuis said, a member of the study. “It sounds like a lot to say ‘a two- to fourfold increased risk,’ but you have to keep in mind that the starting risk for these individual defects is actually pretty low.”

Some good friends of Baby Or Bust, My Fertility Plan, are hosting this first annual International Infertility Haiku Contest. Here are the contest details:
Why haiku?  Anyone can do it.  A haiku is a three line poem, made up of only 17 syllables.  The first line has 5 syllables.  The second line has 7 syllables. The third line has 5 syllables.  That’s it.

It is free to enter – and you can enter as many times as you want.  Each haiku must be in a separate e-mail.  Please include your name and email as well.  The contest is open to international entrants, but the entry must include an English translation.

MyFertilityPlan.com just launched last month. They work with infertile couples to build a customized fertility plan, and introduce the best options that optimize their chances of conception. The company is owned by Angie Best-Boss and Evelina Weidman, two advocates for women’s health and infertile couples. They have a couple of books under their belts, and a new-release coming soon that we can’t wait to tell you about!

I’m very fortunate that this is not a disease that runs in my family (we just have bad ovaries and diabetes!). Last summer my grandfather’s wife was diagnosed, underwent a double mastectomy, chemo, shaved her gorgeous blonde hair, got new boobs and new nipples and is alive and kickin’ today and up to her old rowdy self. It was the first time I’d ever personally known someone with breast cancer and I watched with admiration her strength, courage, and unwillingness to let this disease beat her. And it didn’t. Watching her survive breast cancer is something I will carry with me the rest of my life, and the lessons of her strength I will employ in times of my greatest need.

You can help support Breast Cancer Awareness month, and continue helping Susan G. Komen in their courageous fight against this disease, by publishing this button on your site.

DietsInReview.com will donate $5 to Susan G. Komen for every blog that publishes the ”This Blog Cares“ button during October; they’ll also donate $1 to Susan G. Komen for every new newsletter sign-up they receive in October.

Help DietsInReview.com help Susan G. Komen- and help millions of women, men and families continue to be strong, courageous survivors.

The CDC looked at recent adoption figures and says that men are two times as likely to adopt than women. The report says 2.3% of men and 1.1% of women in America have adopted. My initial thought was- men often marry women with children and adopt them as their own. And I love being right… that’s what the article says! Another trend that appears to be rising is adoption by same-sex couples. Since gay women have the option to carry their own children, gay men have no other choice but to adopt if they want a family.

Another statistic this article points out is that black Americans are more likely to adopt than white. The broad majority of both black and white adopters would accept a child of another race.

Here’s a snippet from the article about the “ideal” child women would like to adopt:
“The CDC survey asked women seeking to adopt what they wanted in a child. The preferred child is younger than 2 years old, free of disabilities, and is an only child. Women would prefer to adopt a girl rather than a boy.” That said, 90% would accept a child with minor disabilities, 79% would accept a child aged 2-5, 75% would accept siblings. More than 60% of women would not take a child over the age of 13, nor would they take a child with severe disabilities.

These are interesting facts. More so to me as the adoption conversation is one that has occurred more and more frequently. We agree that we want to be parents, so if we find our way to our baby through adoption or IVF, we’ll be parents either way. Adoption would possibly satisfy our urge to be parents much more quickly. Given the government rebates and employer reimbursement- the cost to us would be minimal. There’s still a lot of soul-searching to be done… it’s something we’ve always talked about doing even before the infertility. I think we’re set on a course now for actionable decisions though.

Shelton and I had a realization the other night, of the four “cousins” on the Koskie side of the family, we’re the only ones without kids. Sometimes it really sucks- a lot of conversations we can’t be a part of and just wanting to have “that” like they do. At the same time, we’re the only ones who get to sleep in on weekend mornings! I will say that I love being an aunt, it is so much fun. I am so in love with my nephew and nieces. I really enjoy watching Shelton interact with them. He’s so patient and a lot of fun to play with. Our nephew just climbs all over him and hangs from all his limbs like Shelton were a jungle-gym. And watching him hold our new month-old niece.... melt. my. heart.

We’ll get our turn. Because those kids definitely need more cousins to play with!

Oh yeah, they are!!

Some very, very dear friends of ours were laboring on Labor Day and delivered twins!! The Swarts are now a family of five, thanks to boy/girl twins Riley and Hailey. They are teeny tiny, both just under six pounds. The best news, is that they are HEALTHY!! For having twins, it was a fairly uneventful pregnancy and I couldn’t ask for more if I’d carried them myself.

We met The Swarts through my cousin, on one of our many infamous camping trips. While it was blazing hot outside that day, the A/C in the car on the way to the lake was frigid, so I put on my little pink cardigan. We’d also brought our little Shih-Tzu, Tibet. So when we arrived at camp, I climbed out of the car in a cardigan with my frou-frou dog. Mikayla couldn’t believe I was there to camp. But I proved I’m one hell of a camper, and so is my little dog! It’s a cherished friendship we’ve enjoyed ever since.

Most infertile couples don’t want to hear about some successful couple just looking at each other and getting pregnant, much less with twins. (For the record, infertile couples think that’s how the “rest” of you have babies.... you just sit in the same room and stare at one another!) Personally, I love celebrating it. I love that one more couple didn’t have to experience this. That their blessing, and in this case blessings, came without the trials and struggles that we face. More than anything, it gives me more hope.

I haven’t gotten to see these little cuties yet, but you bettah-bulieeeve I will snuggle them simultaneously the first chance I get.

In other news.... I get to meet my new niece tomorrow night. She’s 3 weeks old now and I’m just going to spend 4 whole days soaking up her newness.

I’m sharing this with you for a few reasons:
1. That’s what I do.

2. I think it’s a really valuable resource that you should know about.

3. They told me if I told my readers about them, that it would be “particularly persuasive” for them to add Baby Or Bust.

So, the site is called Alltop (meaning “All the Top News"), and they simulate this same feed for dozens of topics like the aforementioned Infertility, and Adoption.

Another resource that I recently found is called Wise About Health, and they also have a dedicated space for featuring sites related to Pregnancy and Infertility. 

After we’d hung up with Keith, I sat in Shelton’s lap just hugging him. He asked if I was doing OK. The day our nephew was born I was a wreck. But in all fairness, the day he was born we had just had our first appointment with our fertility doctor and everything was still so fresh. I had an ear-to-ear grin and told him I was fine. He asked again. I told him I was fine.

Anyone married knows that “fine” from the wife doesn’t always mean fine. So very sympathetically, Shelton asked one more time if I was handling the news OK. I told him that I couldn’t be any happier. I was thrilled to have my niece and so excited that they delivered a healthy baby girl.

Not that Shelton doesn’t get this, but the way he manages the emotions is far different than me. It meant so much that he asked, and kept asking until he knew I was alright. It also shows how much we’ve grown in this journey in the past two years. 

Her parents just “had” to move to the other side of the country so we were not able to be there. We are nonetheless elated with the news and anxiously waiting the first pictures.

We could not be happier and send congrats to them!

WE ARE NOT THAT OLD MOM!!!

There are days when I feel like Shelton and I should be celebrating our golden anniversary; beat each other with our canes and wash each others dentures in the morning before making a breakfast of soft foods. There are also days when I feel like I’m just recovering waking up from my wedding reception.

This goes down as one of our most memorable anniversaries. It was simple and romantical and Shelton did a lot of sweet things. We ended up with a 3-day weekend and just soaked up every minute we could get together. We talked about the good, the bad, the ugly and what lies ahead. A small gift to Shelton was a box of chocolates from a local artisan chocolate shop. Each year on our anniversary we try to give the “traditional” wedding gifts. It’s always something random and a somewhat loose interpretation of what the list suggests. The sixth anniversary is candy- so we enjoyed the chocolates after our dinner at home last night.

I am so in love with this man. Like most married couples, most days I don’t see it and it takes an event to force my eyes open. Yesterday was one of those. I am thankful for his friendship, his love, his commitment, his patience, his honesty and his ability to always make me feel loved and appreciated. 

What really struck me was that it was another anniversary without children. We don’t need babysitters to go out and celebrate. We don’t have to sacrifice the romance of our day because the kids want to watch SpongeBob and eat hotdogs. The most distraction we have is the dog snoring under the bed. When my mom was celebrating her sixth anniversary she had had her third child six months prior.

We had a lot of talks about becoming parents and starting a family. Reassuring one another that we will see that day… and many more anniversaries.

No, it’s not a baby.

First, I’ve been invited to be a featured blogger at Wellsphere’s new pregnancy community. Wellsphere is a wonderful health community with a huge focus on dieting and weight loss. They are expanding their editorial offerings by creating a pregnancy community. This is a site that I’ve followed for sometime and definitely give a thumbs-up for its credibility, thoroughness, friendly people and inviting layout. I’m beyond flattered that I was chosen to be a part of starting the pregnancy community. Looking forward to getting started and will certainly share with you when that happens.

Second, well, I can’t really tell you. Another invitation to be part of a writing project and I’m quite humbled by the invite. I think this is the largest writing project I’ve ever taken on. A lot of lost sleep and second-guessing myself. But I’m really pleased with where things stand now. Will fill you in when I can. Wink!

Third, I paid off one of my student loans. A small one mind you. I still have the heaping behemoth that keeps me bound at the ankles to Uncle Sam. The woman at the OU bursar congratulated me and I actually welled up with tears. (Imagine that, me crying!) I put myself through college. I did it on my own and I’m paying it back a few pennies at a time on my own. If you don’t mind my saying so, I’m really proud of what I’ve accomplished in the four years since graduation. Paying that off is a huge milestone for me and will allow us to shift that payment to the heaping behemoth.

Thanks again to all of you who frequent the site and send emails. I’m glad you’ve come along this journey so far with me/us… and looking forward to taking you on the rest!

When we found out we’d have to do IVF, one of my initial “find the silver lining” realizations was that I could get twins. I could bring home TWO WHOLE BABIES!!! Making both a childhood and adult dream come true. Shelton will argue that there is no way we can handle two or three babies at a time. I tell him that if you’ve never had even one baby- how is the adjustment harder or different? Plus, with two or three babies, you get to pick out TWO or THREE names! And TWO or THREE matching outfits!

Of course, all of this is a romanticized version in my head compared to what the reality would really be. I found this story last week that explains why you shouldn’t be wishing for twins afterall. Most infertility doctors and patients prefer to transfer multiple embryos to ensure a pregnancy. One in four of these pregnancies result in twins (vs. one in 80 natural conceptions). This story is from a UK paper, but the facts and information won’t vary much from how things are on this side of the pond. Legislation is being passed to get those twin pregnancies down to one in ten.

They are primarily looking at the complications that result from multiple-birth pregnancies compared to single pregnancies. The risks escalate with multiples.

Our doctor is very much a proponent of our only transferring one embryo. I’d rather not, because I want to do this once. The selfish side of me wants my TWO WHOLE BABIES all at the SAME TIME! I have several girlfriends with twins and I kind of daydream about the sisterhood we’d share if we were all looney from having twins! However, I will not for one second disregard my doctor’s recommendation if it means protecting my safety and health, and that of my baby(s). 

As I read the article, however “reliable” this information can be, they explained that Pitt and Jolie were so anxious to have more babies, that they did the IVF to speed-up her getting pregnant. All I could think was “How nice for them!”. I can’t imagine walking into a fertility clinic and dropping $15,000 on the counter- not out of necessity, but impatience.

There’s of course a jealous twinge in me that wants to lash out at the situation. But does that accomplish anything? Of course not! As if Angie is reading my site, but I’d like to say- use this as an opportunity to shed some light on IVF and infertility. The situation doesn’t educate anyone as it is- and certainly doesn’t help the plight of so many of struggling to conceive or save the funds. With her many humanitarian causes and ability to connect to mothers- this seems like a platform worth taking up. 

I’m often heard quoting scenes from Friends. It remains one of my favorite TV shows. Tonight this episode aired in which Chandler and Monica go to the fertility clinic to test his sperm and for her to have “an invasive vaginal exam.” That evening they get a call from the doctor, and Chandler receives the news. Moments later he tells Monica that he has low motility and her womb is an inhospitable environment. That’s the moment where the bubble bursts in my throat and the tears stream down. Like me, Chandler cuts through the tension w/ a joke, telling Monica that his guys won’t get out of their barcaloungers and even if they did, her womb is prepared to kill anything that enters.

It also bugs me- because it’s the start of yet another TV show infertility storyline that bears no resemblance to real life. I know doctors, firefighters, cops, grocery store janitors, mailmen and taxi drivers all say the same thing about TV/movies related to them. But it’s true. Chandler and Monica zip-zing right through all of the steps and surprisingly wind up with twins at their adoptive baby’s birth. Definitely the happy ending ALL of us should enjoy. 

That’s why I loved finding this story of a British woman who advertised for an egg donor so that she and her husband could get pregnant. They tried for 14 years to conceive, and went through a few rounds of IVF (including ICSI which is the procedure Shelton and I will use). All without success- due to a blocked fallopian tube, her age and her body stopped producing eggs.

With a desire to still carry a baby of her own - she invested 2,000GBP (~ $4000) to advertise in 50 buses in London. It took three weeks for an anonymous donor to come forward. She delivered her healthy, beautiful little girl on June 3 (my sister’s birthday!).

Good for them and Congratulations!!

That is so insane and seems impossible. I’ve enjoyed every minute of working on this site.

Thank you to Jeremy who got this baby off the ground, without whom this site wouldn’t exist.

Thank you to our dear family and friends who’ve offered their endless support.

Thank you to the thousands and thousands of visitors who’ve stopped by.

Thank you to EVERY one of you who made a donation. The generosity of perfect strangers from around the world still dumbfounds me. We’ve been able to raise $6088.78 and every penny of that is more than I ever anticipated. It is SO appreciated.

Thank you to each person who has bookmarked this site and visits often.

Thank you to the people who’ve sent an email to share their story, or ask for an opinion or advice. We hope we’ve been able to help.

As a second birthday present to each of you and the site, I had planned on updating a number of items that have been a little neglected. I haven’t gotten to it, but hope to do so very, very soon.

We hope you’ll stick around for two or twenty more years as we continue to share our journey. 

Shelton and I have discussed this. It’s one of the MANY topics infertile couples get to discuss that most couples never have to, unless they want to. What do you do with extra embryos??? Our first choice is to freeze for a second attempt should we have enough. Our second choice is to donate to stem cell research. I just think there is far too much good to come out of supporting that research to not offer my hand in some way.

I know 40% of the people reading this post are probably outraged. It wouldn’t be the first time me or this site have pissed off someone. I guess I can see the compassion in putting those embryos up for adoption, but something doesn’t settle with me to give someone else my baby when I’m perfectly capable of having and raising them myself. I also can’t stomach the thought of just destroying them.

If you’re new to infertility, or just haven’t had the conversation yet- it’s a must. You have to talk about the final destination of any unused embryos, because it can really be one of the most important decisions you make in this journey. And this recent survey, proves you won’t be alone no matter which path you choose.

This is one of those instances where I stand by my support of sex education. I was unbelievably fortunate to have parents who were very open and honest about educating me about sex, its consequences and my choices. I know that not all children and teens have this luxury. This is an example of where talking to your kids and presenting multi-dimensional perspectives can really help them make the best choices possible.

Each state varies in the specificity of its coverage, and RESOLVE shares all of that here.

As for the other 35 states- what’s the deal? Get with it already! The legislatures for these straggling 35 states should be painfully embarrassed and disappointed in themselves. Not a single one of you can prevent a rational argument for why this isn’t covered. Infertility is a disease- most generally it’s a birth defect or genetic. This isn’t like health insurance covering lung cancer for smokers or health care during/after an abortion- or any number of other “elective” medical procedures.

Beat down the door of your HR department, too. Many companies provide financial support for adoption, but do your research, and find out if that support can be used toward your infertility treatment. RESOLVE recognizes Columbia Laboratories, Avon and Black & Decker as companies with outstanding practices for supporting its employees facing infertility and adoption. 

Their eight children are beautiful and funny and just bursting with life. They make me smile and laugh and I so thank them for sharing their family. It’s probably not right, but I have favorites. Shelton refuses to watch. If and when he watches TV, he prefers things like that 5 minute segment at the end of CBS Sunday Morning where they show the nature scenes. That’s the opposite of a house with eight children.

If you haven’t watched it, make some time to do so. It’s just a fun little baby-filled treat!